So... here's the thing. I am getting older. :( I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 5 years. My skin kind of sucks. I've developed this annoying, flaky, dry patch between my eyebrows and along the beginning of my right brow. I'm fatter than ever (284 YIKES!!!). I cut my hair and now I never feel like doing it, so it hangs lifeless and frizzy at my shoulders. And, oh yeah! I lost a tooth. One that you CAN SEE IN MY SMILE LINE. Ugh. I keep telling myself to get up, dust off, and keep trucking. I've had minor successes in the past, and I know I can do it again! I don't know if it's getting older, or the redundancy that is making me loose motivation, but I don't feel beautiful anymore. I have almost always felt beautiful in the past. No matter what size I am. And it's honestly still not about the size. I've lost motivation for simple things like doing my hair and make up. Simple things that will make be feel so much better, I KNOW it. But I'm just... not doing them!!! I feel like picking up this blog AGAIN will help me to feel accountable for what I am/am not doing with myself.
Something super confusing to me is that I actually should be SOARING right now on the emotional wagon. I have the best job I have ever had in my life and I honestly LOVE it. I just got my very own adorable apartment, and I can actually afford it! I bought a new car that has A/C in it! Things are looking really good. But there are several things that I just know I am taking advantage of, and I really want it to stop! I still sneak cigarettes in every once in a while (more often then I'll actually admit), and my eating habits are horrible. I don't work out. I don't do my hair. I don't do my nails. I don't do my make up. I don't read. I don't cook. I AM A LAZY MOTHER EFFER......
I think I'm getting worked up. Does this sound like a rant? It's totally a rant. I am going to leave you with this: I will return to the beauty I once was. I'm not sure how it's going to start, but I'm going to blog about it! I have not excuses why not to now. PLEASE HELP ME ON MY JOURNEY!!!! I really want this to be time I really make it happen.
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